just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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