Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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