we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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