he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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