Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have fence marks all over my body
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
