Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
