so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
