You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
