i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
