Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
