I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize