Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize