There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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