Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
