YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
