Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
