so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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