She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
