Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
