Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
