I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She needs sedatives and a leash
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
