i don't like sucking hair
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
