I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
