i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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