Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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