either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
