At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
