***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
