I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize