After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
