you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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