So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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