We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
