Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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