yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
