Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
