Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
