He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
