You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
