she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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