I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
