Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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