i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize