The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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