I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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