what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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