Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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