Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have tasted many bathrooms
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize