My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
