Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
