Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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