omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
worst night to have a conscience
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize