He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
