I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
