You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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