he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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