I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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