You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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