Im at strip club and am horny
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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