i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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