just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
