Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
