dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
