You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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