Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
