we're blogging at a bar
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
