we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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