i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
