You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
