New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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