Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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