Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
