I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
