do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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