We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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