One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
