sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
